If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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