I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
