i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
should my penis look like a turkey
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
