your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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