I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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