No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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