I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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