I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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