I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
