You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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