Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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