You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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