you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
