in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
