after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
