We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
