apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
