Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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