I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
