I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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