i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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