how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
