It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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