He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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