Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
