Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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