So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
