I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
