When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
