Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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