I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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