He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I AM VODKA MAN
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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