Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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