i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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