so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
