Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
sex in a hospital.. check
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
