batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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