i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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