i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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