i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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