sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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