I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
