maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
