hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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