It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
