So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
