question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
