I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
