My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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