I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
