i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
