How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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