Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
