she woke up with a sticky ear
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
